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Just A Thought…”Why I Believe that Soul Mates Don’t Exist”


Why I Believe that Soul Mates Don't Exist | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Darius Lovehall: Romance is about the possibility of the thing. You see, it’s about the time between when you first meet the woman, and when you first make love to her; When you first ask a woman to marry you, and when she says I do. When people who been together a long time say that the romance is gone, what they’re really saying is they’ve exhausted the possibility.

If you’re anything like me at all, when you hear titles of articles like Aja Dorsey Jackson’s Why I Believe that Soul Mates Don’t Exist you instantly cringe. And yet upon clicking, and then reading, I found that I agree with most of what she’s saying. Jackson seeks to point out to people that there’s not a single individual on earth you will meet that instantly zaps the need to work at compatibility. And the idea that such a person even exists gnaws at the very root of relationships. Jackson gives a very real and pragmatic way to look at things. This blog also advocates heavily for practical and logical approaches to Love and dating. So I’m not mad at her for writing this.

At the same time though,  I don’t think the idea of having to put in work in a relationship and the idea of soul mates are mutually exclusive. Let’s think back to the first couple–no, not Obama and Michelle–but, Adam and Eve. God created Eve specifically as a helper to Adam by stealing his rib while he slept. The very word “woman”, in fact, means to come from man. Now this is no intentional disrespect to my same sex couples but the general theory is that subsequently God created every Eve with an Adam in mind. And he created Adam knowing Eve was coming. To me, the idea of soul mates refers to the creation of one soul with another soul in mind. And maybe some are actually blessed enough to meet that soul in their human life. I think it is possible. That possibility makes life and Love exciting and romantic. It keeps us motivated to go out there and suffer through the hardships of dating. You see, to quote the wise brother Darius from “Love Jones“, “Romance is about the possibility of the thing…when people who been together a long time say that the romance is gone, what they’re really saying is that they’ve exhausted the possibility”. Right now, I’m Living for the possibility that Mr. Right is the right one created by God with me in mind. And because I’ll never really know until I’m done with this life, that possibility can be endless if we want it to be and if we work for it to be. So let’s be smart about Love black folk–meaning we do the WORK involved in it to sustain it. But just because we’re working at it, let’s not exhaust the possibility of the thing.

Love Like This

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Queenie K is new to the revolutionary concept of Love. As she grows and matures in the revolution, she looks to strengthen and refine her expressions, acceptance, and demands of Love. She hopes to apply the Love lessons learned not just to her dating habits but also to her interactions with family and friends in hopes of starting a cycle of healthy relationships for herself and those around her. Follow her on twitter @CocoaQueenK

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I was having one of my euphoria attacks.  Yes, they really occur.  Well, they do with me anyway.  I get really giddy and excited, unable to contain my energy.  I then release the energy in restless activity or giggles or spurts of awkward activities like a random twerk session by myself.  These spurts I call “spazzing.”excitedblackwoman

It was a Saturday afternoon and I laid sprawled across my boyfriend’s bed prepared to spazz from a pager-turning thriller I could not put down (one of the Jack Reacher novels by Lee Child).  He was preparing to engross himself into the game and we both knew that the Playoff’s trumped almost anything else.  Seeing the signs of my attack before it became full-fledged, he decided it would be best for us both if he contained it.

“Babe,” he said while I jiggled my leg impatiently, wanting to skip ahead a few pages in the book but knowing I could never do that.

When my eyes met his, he held my gaze long enough for my leg to stop jiggling before continuing.

“Just chill out.”

Three words.  And yet, they calmed me.  Maybe it was his tone or his eyes, both of which were serious and yet dripping with sincerity and concern.

I smiled sheepishly and returned to my book.  But, a paragraph later, I found myself watching him watch the game.  I can’t name a particular day or time when I fell in love with him.  But, I did.

Twerk1The peace he provided during my “moment” was a peace that has encompassed our entire relationship so far.  In the past, my relationships and not-quite-relationships came with some underlying turmoil.  I have always been in conflict. In every relationship, I found myself pining for something more.  Attention, affection, honesty… something.

My boyfriend and I are approaching our 9 month anniversary.  So far in I haven’t felt any urge to panic.  Although we argue and have our “moments,”  I draw a blank when sitting and wondering how he’s not satisfying.  In interactions with love interests of the past, it hardly ever took much thought.  I found myself exhausted from squeezing a relationship together with glue.  I often felt the relationship was one-sided blackloveand thought the more I would do, the more they would do.  (i.e., if I blow up his phone, he will realize how much I really want to talk to stay in contact with me and call me sometime too).  When I sat still, all my insecurities and ignored issues would bubble to the surface.  And, usually, when I let go, the glue would dissolve.

But with this guy, that’s not the case.

I think the secret to this happiness so far is that we are honest.  Even when it doesn’t necessarily come out right.  Even when it sparks an argument.  I’ve never had this honest of a relationship before.  And this honesty isn’t just about how we feel about each other but how we feel about ourselves too.  We talk about our feelings (doing this doesn’t have to be as effeminate as it sounds).

I’m not saying that we have everything down pat.  Sometimes, we focus more on what the other didn’t say than what he/she actually said.  Sometimes, we end a heated discussion with a “FINE!” and sit in stony silence before trying again.  And sometimes we don’t even get to the heated discussion part — we, instead, opt for the stony silence until we realize that it doesn’t provide any solace.

But, as I sat there watching him watch the game, I knew that I knew the man sitting next to me.  And he knew me.  And, after everything that we knew, we still gave the other a sense of peace.

I never knew there was a love like this before.

‘When You Know, You Just Know’ & Other Love Lies


TianaNaveen

“I always imagined this magical moment where the world stops, jazz music plays in the background, and I lock eyes with a beautiful stranger whom, somehow, I’ve known my whole life”

I always imagined this magical moment where the world stops, jazz music plays in the background, and I lock  eyes with a beautiful stranger whom, somehow, I’ve known my whole life. Neither of us needs to exchange any real words. We already mutually understand–instinctively of course–that this is the last relationship we will ever have. He asks for my number and 3 months later we’re married with 2.5 kids. There aren’t any arguments on marriage timelines or how we want to raise our kids. There aren’t any doubts and questionable habits that make you wonder if God seriously intends for a person to mate with just one other human being for life. And there certainly aren’t any intermediary break-ups where both people questioned their rightness for one another. Because, as they say, “when you know, you just know”.

But the day I met Mr. Right-For-Now looked absolutely nothing like what “they say”.

Princess-And-The-Frog-movie-705124 So I kept waiting for the magic “aha” moment when I would suddenly “just know”. It didn’t happen when he first professed his Love for me in a poem.It didn’t happen when I found myself crying gleefully in the shower, overwhelmed by my Love for him. It didn’t happen when he began to break down his emotional barriers just to be with me. It didn’t happen when I chose to put more trust and faith in him than I’ve put in anyone besides myself. It’s been exactly 2 years, 9 months, and 12 hours. And that moment has NEVER happened. I’ve never been completely-absolutely-without-a- shadow-of-a-doubt certain that Mr. Right-For-Now is the only soul on earth for me. So naturally, I began to think my uncertainty means he’s not the one. You know, like that awkward moment when you kiss the frog expecting a prince and he turns into a frog too?  I never got to the fairy-tale “when you know, you just know” moment like they said I would.

Then. Everything changed.

Recently, I had lunch with a married mentor of mine and he gave me the most practical bit of insider information. He said, and I’m paraphrasing, certainty is simply an emotion. Therefore, it changes with the wind. When something happens that we’re happy about, we’re sure that a person is for us. When things don’t go the way we thought they would go, then we start to doubt. He assured me that I would never be completely certain because knowing is just a feeling. Today, I may feel like Mr. Right-For-Now is the best decision I ever made. Other days, I might feel like I made a mistake. And that’s normal. But none of it truly matters because marriage requires you to Love another person in spite of how you may feel on a day-to-day basis.

TianaI sat there, mouth agape staring into the distance. At first, I just sat there blankly. Then something snapped inside and I became ANGRY–bloodthirsty almost. Who the fuck came up with that bullshit “when you know, you just know” then, I wondered. I’d waited my whole romantic life for a certainty that would never come!!! I felt bamboozled like a little kid waiting up for Santa only to discover mommy and daddy putting toys under the tree, drinking the milk, and eating the goddamned cookies. I mean next you’ll be telling me a couple can’t really have 2.5 kids!!! This was BY FAR the biggest Love lie of them all since happily ever after. And suddenly I hated every Disney movie and romantic comedy I’d ever seen (except Crazy, Stupid, Love. Completely unhateable movie). Especially the ones where the girl or guy leaves their current girl or guy to be with some other girl or guy that they JUST KNEW they were supposed to be with instead (think Maid in Manhattan or The Princess and the Frog). LIES! LIES! LIES!

When the anger dissipated, I realized how blessed I was to come into this piece of wisdom. My mentor pointed out a most convenient Frogandfrogtiananaveentruth to me. That as humans, we’re too fickle to really know anything. Even our facts are debatable and up to interpretation. Life, by definition, is too unpredictable to know. Mike Tyson once stated, “everyone has a plan ’til they get hit”. And suddenly all of my uncertainty made sense. I only felt unsure whenever he and I faced an issue that seemed unlikely to yield my desired outcome. Him and I, we aren’t perfect. We go THROUGH things. Yet Hollywood likes to paint this picture that Love is easy with the right person (another LIE). So why all this pressure on two romantic partners to know without a doubt that they’re meant to be together?

I decided after that lunch to take the unrealistic pressure off my boo and I. We don’t have to know. But  if you cannot know for certain, then what’s left? You can believe! And I believe, and have believed for a long time, that I am made for Mr. Right-For-Now. He believes he’s made for me. And that’s enough. In the end, I did have one of those Disney moments where I learned I already had what I’d been waiting for all along. Faith in Love is enough.

THE END.

I Just Want to Be Your Lovergirl: 7 Reasons Why I Love My Relationship


I need your Love and I won’t bring no pain

A little birdie told me that you feel the same

I’m for the real, and for you, I’m true blue

Let’s make a deal, sugar, all I want to do

Is be your one and only lover

I just want to be your Lovergirl

I just want to rock your world

black-couple5God put me on this Earth to rock some man’s world. Probably Mr. Right-For-Now’s. And you know what? I’m Loving every minute of it. Sure he gets on my nerves. Sometimes I feel bored and restless. I mess up. He messes up. We argue. But at the end of the day, there’s far more good than bad so I am PROUD of me and my baby. We’ve traveled a good distance since our start. And I couldn’t have handpicked a better partner to ease on down, ease on down the road with (IDK I guess I’m just in a music mood today. I’m writing this while watching VH1 Soul). Frankly, I Love us. And at the risk of sounding egotistical, conceited, or cheesy, I wanted to share some of the reasons why I Love us. BTW, I strongly urge you to read this post while listening to the embedded video at the bottom. This is a rock out for Love kind of post, if there’s any such thing!!!

(7) We Encourage One Another to Follow Our Dreams

For many of my acquaintances, achieving in your career and in your Love life at the same damn time is a balancing triumph worth adding to the act at UniverSOUL circus. Having both, like the Obamas, became an obscure almost unheard of thing to ooooh and ahhhhh at. And yet, Mr. Right-For-Now and I spend a lot of time making sure we don’t step on one another’s career toes. We check-in and communicate when one feels jealous of the other’s success (yes, it DOES happen). We ask for what we need from one another to get certain things done. Then, we take turns. Sometimes things are about him. Sometimes things are about me. No, neither of us are nearly as accomplished as we want to be yet. But we’ve gotten to the point where we rest assured each new grind works better for the pair. If I’m a bird, he’s a bird and if he flies, I fly.

(6) We’re Growing Up Together

As much of a grown ass woman I might have thought I was, there’s nothing like my baby’s Love to actually grow me up. It’s easy to say “I’m mature”, “I’m patient”, or “I’m faithful” when there’s no one around to press your buttons, no one you have to wait on, and nothing tempting you to cheat. My relationship is the proverbial check my mouth wrote that my ass now has to cash. Since the moment we met, we’ve been pulling each other’s cards. Mr. Right-For-Now always had this uncanny ability to see me. Some lessons you only learn from a Lover because he or she knows you like no one else will ever know you. And since we’re both young and malleable, we are SO willing to work on ourselves to satisfy the other’s needs.

(5) We Never Back Down from a Challenge

Happy-black-couple-300x199Since day one, Mr. Right-For-Now and I sensed that this relationship thing wouldn’t be easy. I mean our first couple of months–you know the months where everything is supposed to be crazy.stupid.love–we were long distance. Whomp whomp. Killjoy right? Actually wrong. Though incredibly arduous and emotionally draining, the distance gave us the space we needed to get other things sorted out in our lives outside of one another.  We learned resourcefulness, gratitude, and creativity. Going through that fortified us. So now when him and I face an ugly, undesirable challenge, we both pull out every weapon in our arsenal to get the job done. Kind of like Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

(4) We Communicate Well

Mr. Right-For-Now’s my best buddy and a great friend. I can call him up right now and say “okay I need you to hear me out as my friend, not my boyfriend” and he’ll try his damndest. Sometimes we just sit in the bed together saying the silliest things holding the weirdest conversations like two kids making up their own language. We understand one another. And even when we aren’t on the same page, we take the time to get back on the same page. With complete transparency and honesty, I feel like I can tell him absolutely anything. At this point, I think we have said pretty much EVERYTHING anyway–good, bad, and indifferent. Communicating is one key to Love we’ve already got on our keyring.

(3) We’re Self-Aware

We know what our problems are both individually and collectively. We have a running list (it’s actually not long) and prioritized the things on it. What needs to get done now? What can wait? What things can we live with? Some parts of our relationship, we run like you might run a healthy business. But that works for us. Neither of us are afraid to do what works for US whether that be reading books, going to therapy, conferencing with friends. It doesn’t matter. Even though it often looks different from what works for others or from what we see others doing, we know ourselves and we know our Love.

(2) We Make Intimacy Important

black-coupleLet’s just say that if there’s a meeting in my bedroom, Mr. Right-For-Now is never late. And I probably don’t mean that how you’re thinking it. What I Love so much about our intimate life is how we committed to connecting with one another in every way that you can connect with another human being. Into-Me-See means everything from talking quietly in bed to catching one another’s eye at the family functions. It’s always like there’s some inside joke that only the two of us know about. It’s metaphysical foreplay that never ends. We passionately pursue sexual, spiritual, mental, and emotional oneness.

(1) We’re Not Perfect But We Are Though

I’m bitchy. He’s an asshole. I go to bed late. He wakes up early. I wear my heart on my sleeve. He keeps his tucked away. We’ve experienced and expressed the full gamut of negative human emotions–jealousy, mistrust, insecurity, arrogance… But we make it work. Two imperfect souls perfected through fearless Love. Nothing more and nothing less. What’s better than that? Nothing!

When it’s all said and done, I just want to be his Lovergirl. I just want to rock his world! Love you boo <3. And this songs for you.

What About Your Friends?

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Queenie K is new to the revolutionary concept of Love. As she grows and matures in the revolution, she looks to strengthen and refine her expressions, acceptance, and demands of Love. She hopes to apply the Love lessons learned not just to her dating habits but also to her interactions with family and friends in hopes of starting a cycle of healthy relationships for herself and those around her. Follow her on twitter @CocoaQueenK

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tlc-what_about_your_friends(1)“So, she told you about what happened.”

Those were the words said, in the drunk and teasing voice of one my close girl friends, to my boyfriend.  Those were the words that pretty much ended his birthday kickback.  My friend didn’t realize the effect her words had.  When she noticed he wasn’t amused, she apologized and walked back into the kitchen with everyone else.

I, however, stayed in the living room to try to sort things out with him.

She didn’t need to explain the “what”.  Him and I had already discussed it before.  My past.  An evening with another guy. At another kickback she had attended with me.  Over a year ago.  And yet, to my boyfriend it could have been yesterday.

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In the sitcom Martin, the young couple was able to pull their friends together despite the bickering between Martin and Pam.

I had laid my past out on the table to him once we became serious.  Laid it out in preparation for situations just like this one.  I would never want to find out something about him from someone else.  So, I provided him the same courtesy, offering up a brief account of my encounters. Except, he couldn’t seem to get over it.  And it didn’t help that my friends, after a few too many drinks, loved to reminiscence.  It also didn’t help that my boyfriend and I had already argued two other times in the week and were beginning to reach a consensus that we didn’t care much for each others’ friends. The words of the current argument, which began with him demanding to know why my friend would ever bring something like that up to him but especially tonight, spiraled into an alcohol-induced turbulent funnel.  At the eye of the storm was one recurrent theme: Our Friends.

For him, my friends were my past personified.  For me, his were often too uncouth.  At times, our friends seemed to be on two extremes on a scale of Ratchet–with the two of us meeting each other in the middle.

The party ended early, with each of us retreating to our own spaces.  It was the first time that we didn’t make up before going to bed.

How important is the relationship between your friends and your significant other?  Pam and Martin never got along and yet, they were both still there for Gina.  But, of course, that’s scripted.  How likely is that in the real world?

Movie Review: Tyler Perry’s ‘Temptation’ Falls Titillatingly & Alarmingly Short


**This review contains revealing details from the movie “Temptation”. If you have not seen it, reading this post will feel a lot like when you go see something with a friend who’s already seen it and they keep telling you to “watch this!” Therefore, continue at your own risk.

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There are a lot of things to hate about this movie and Tyler Perry’s now infamous creative style in general. The preachy church-people-are-good-everyone-else-is-a-demon rhetoric. The fact that I can pretty much rely on a “sexy” guy taking his shirt off at least once (whether it’s for our enjoyment or his, well that’s still up for debate). And the awkwardness of his continual overuse of close-up shots. Yet somehow, the trailers drew me in (mind you, I’ve been boycotting Tyler Perry films for the last 3 years). The thought of Jurnee Smollet-Bell caught in a love triangle seemed wickedly out of character for Perry. But it turns out the exact opposite is true. What I find most disturbing this time around with “Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor” is how unsexy he makes a movie about sex. And how eagerly the black community accepts this depiction.

The movie starts out predictably though promisingly with a marriage counselor telling what sounds like a cautionary tale to a pre-adulterous wife. Then we’re swept into the endearing young Love of high school sweet hearts Judith and Brice (Jurnee Smollet-Bell and Lance Gross). But as the reality of delayed dreams and marital malcontent sink in, so do her spirits. Smollet-Bell plays a convincing awkward and “forgettable” 2o-something who knows very little about herself or her body–let alone what’s needed to keep a marriage together. So things quickly heat up when tech-savvy pseudo-playboy/knight in shining armor, Harley (Robbie Jones), capitalizes mostly on Judith’s sexual inexperience. Throw in some line from Harley about people “having sex like animals” (I was fanning myself), a classic sexual-tension filled elevator scene, an unwittingly neglectful husband, and you’ve got yourself the makings of a titillating affair!

temptationOnly, that is of course until Perry throws us an alarming curve ball. Judith and Harley end up alone on Harley’s private plane–a business trip serving as the perfect opportunity for him to make his move on a married woman. But Judith persistently pushes his advances away. She clearly says “no”. She clearly says “stop”. Harley forces himself on her a bit harder, however. So much so that Judith actually has to fight him off. To which Harley aggressively grips her up and sternly replies “Stop! Now you can say you resisted”. And then proceeds to have sex with her without her consent. I’m sorry, maybe I am crazy, but that is called rape where I’m from. And suddenly the tide’s low again if you know what I mean. There’s nothing sexy, steamy, or arousing about rape. Judith seems to agree with me and goes home crying and screaming at Harley to never call her again. Those are not the actions of a woman who willingly steps out on her husband to fulfill a sexual longing not met at home.

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The movie never treats it like a rape though and soon Judith’s under Harley’s spell. It is not completely uncommon for a rape victim to fall in Love with her rapist. So I suppose this wasn’t completely far-fetched. However, Harley begins exhibiting even more abusive behaviors. He introduces her to hard drugs, separates her from the people who Love her, and whoops her ass. As if that wasn’t enough to punish the philandering harlot, we learn at the end of the movie that Harley gives Judith HIV. BUT Perry never portrays Judith as a victim. Even though Melinda (Brandy Norwood), Harley’s ex-girlfriend, plays the I’ve-had-a-hard-life-so-now-I-don’t-trust-anyone victim role so well Melinda’s boss mistakes her for a lesbian. Wait, what? So the girl who willingly got involved with Harley in college is a victim and we should feel sorry for her but the married woman who gets raped by him is a whore? So what’s the moral of the story here ladies? If you’re stupid enough to catch the attention of another man besides your lazy husband, Jesus will hate you, you will get raped, contract HIV, and die. Oh wait, no my bad. Melinda wasn’t a victim either. She deserved HIV because she didn’t protect herself when she knew Harley cheated on her. That’s right, I forgot. What was I thinking?

tp new movieWhat started out as a seductive fantasy soon turned into a right-wing conservative sexual education lesson in a hick town with a ban on contraceptives. And I’m ashamed to admit this but most of the people in the theater, my people, seemed to like it. Maybe they were jut taking the film at face-value. That’s cool I guess. But when you’ve got the power to speak and a good portion of your community listens, you have a responsibility to watch what you say. I mean does Perry have any positive feelings about sex? From the messages in this film, it certainly doesn’t seem so. Good thing not all of us are so easily duped by a well-placed hallelujah. Uh uh. Try again Mr. Perry. Or better yet, do us all a favor, and don’t. Ever. Again.

She’s Cool But…I’d Be Settling

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Asking someone to consider if their significant other is “Mr(s) Right-For-Now” can be taken offensively, but the question warrants serious reflection.

There I sat–happy, anxious, and shocked all at the same time.  In the driver seat to my left was my homeboy who I grew up with.

“You’re a GROWN ASS MAN now,” I joked. “You got the family-sized SUV, good-paying job, apartment with your girlfriend and a dog!  What’s next?”

He laughed, took a deep breath and said, “Honestly man, I’m saving up for a ring.”

Oh. F#ck No!

I would say I was surprised, but not really.  Since high school we all knew what Tyson needed in his life to be content.  Good food, good movies, relaxation and a few other adult requests I’d rather not mention.  Anyway, it was a short list.  And after my first visit to his new place and kickin’ it with him and his girlfriend, I can honestly say that Brotha is H-A-P-P-Y.

Naturally, I had to ask an important question (stolen from the movie, I Love You, Man), “So, is she the one, or just the next one?”  Asking someone to consider if their significant other is “Mr(s) Right-For-Now” can be taken offensively, but the question warrants serious reflection.

“She’s the one bro.  We have a great time together, our families like each other and she treats me right.  I’m good.” His voice carried an air of confidence. It was a wholesome “good.

Though he is the first of my tight friends to be that close to considering marriage, I must admit, it is kind of unsettling to know that we are at the age where weddings are no longer unrealistic.  In my daily conversations, I realize that plenty of people aren’t into “playing games” anymore.  They want serious relationships.  Understandable.  I agree.  I agree agree…

aa-couple-laying-in-bed

I mean, what if I wake up next to her and think, “ehhh…she’s aiiiiiiiiiight?”

But how do I know if the girl I’m dating is right?  How do I know that I will be satisfied? How do I know that I’m not settling?  Help me understand!

Scenario #1

She would be a great wife…to someone else. I’m just not physically attracted to her, enough.  I mean, what if I wake up next to her and think, “ehhh…she’s aiiiiiiiiiight?” Am I Shallow Hal? What would I think if she felt that way about me?!?! I’d think she needs an eye exam! Our chemistry can be good, but to sustain a healthy relationship there needs to be a certain level of physical attraction. How do I know where the limit is in the looks department?

Scenario #2

She doesn’t motivate me to grow.  She’s happy to have me just the way I am.  Sounds nice, but I want a woman who inspires me to be a better man for her.  A King for his Queen. If she doesn’t expect more from me, will she ever get more from me?  A good friend once told me, “What you put up with, you end up with.”  Am I settling by dating a woman whom I know does not command my full potential?

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You got how many bodies?

Scenario #3

Her past is questionable.  We’ve all done things we don’t want to admit.  Well, she admitted it, and now, I can’t take it!  For us men, this could be a number of things, i.e: “You got how many bodies!?!?!”  or “You did that to your ‘best friend’?” or “Are you like that every time you get drunk?”  Yes, people can change, but their history of behavior can give some insight into their decision-making ability.  Let’s face it, if they cheated in all of their previous relationships, what makes you so sure it won’t happen to you? What does their record tell you?  Am I settling by moving forward even though her past has me skeptical?

Conclusion:

As always, you have to know what you like.  This comes from experiencing life by yourself and with different people.  Honest self-reflection is key.  Take time to understand what you like, don’t like, and why.  The more you study, the more ready you will be when Mr(s) Right does come along.  I’m still exploring.  But the more I look into the people around me, and not just at them, the more I understand who I need in my life to keep me H-A-P-P-Y.

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