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What About Your Friends?

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Queenie K is new to the revolutionary concept of Love. As she grows and matures in the revolution, she looks to strengthen and refine her expressions, acceptance, and demands of Love. She hopes to apply the Love lessons learned not just to her dating habits but also to her interactions with family and friends in hopes of starting a cycle of healthy relationships for herself and those around her. Follow her on twitter @CocoaQueenK

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tlc-what_about_your_friends(1)“So, she told you about what happened.”

Those were the words said, in the drunk and teasing voice of one my close girl friends, to my boyfriend.  Those were the words that pretty much ended his birthday kickback.  My friend didn’t realize the effect her words had.  When she noticed he wasn’t amused, she apologized and walked back into the kitchen with everyone else.

I, however, stayed in the living room to try to sort things out with him.

She didn’t need to explain the “what”.  Him and I had already discussed it before.  My past.  An evening with another guy. At another kickback she had attended with me.  Over a year ago.  And yet, to my boyfriend it could have been yesterday.

martin_tv_show_20_years

In the sitcom Martin, the young couple was able to pull their friends together despite the bickering between Martin and Pam.

I had laid my past out on the table to him once we became serious.  Laid it out in preparation for situations just like this one.  I would never want to find out something about him from someone else.  So, I provided him the same courtesy, offering up a brief account of my encounters. Except, he couldn’t seem to get over it.  And it didn’t help that my friends, after a few too many drinks, loved to reminiscence.  It also didn’t help that my boyfriend and I had already argued two other times in the week and were beginning to reach a consensus that we didn’t care much for each others’ friends. The words of the current argument, which began with him demanding to know why my friend would ever bring something like that up to him but especially tonight, spiraled into an alcohol-induced turbulent funnel.  At the eye of the storm was one recurrent theme: Our Friends.

For him, my friends were my past personified.  For me, his were often too uncouth.  At times, our friends seemed to be on two extremes on a scale of Ratchet–with the two of us meeting each other in the middle.

The party ended early, with each of us retreating to our own spaces.  It was the first time that we didn’t make up before going to bed.

How important is the relationship between your friends and your significant other?  Pam and Martin never got along and yet, they were both still there for Gina.  But, of course, that’s scripted.  How likely is that in the real world?

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4 responses »

  1. To me, it’s not make-or-break, but it is definitely important. I want my girl to get along with my boys, or else we can all never hang together. I love being with my girl and I love being with the homies, why can’t I have both?

    Reply
  2. I think it is important that they’re cordial to one another at the very least. I’m not so concerned about them being very good friends. We’re all different and attract different people to our lives. As long as each party respects the others friendships it shouldn’t be an issue unless ones friends are disrespecting the relationship.

    Reply
    • To your point, I feel like my main concern with my man’s friends is whether or not they’re a negative or positive influence. If I notice every time he’s with them, he messes up, then they’re a problem for me and I won’t like them. And it would be hard for me to respect them. As they say, look at your 5 closest friends and that’s who you are. So what if his 5 closest friends are bums? Or bitter? Or womanizers?

      I used to have this fantasy in my head about being this really cool gf that was best friends with all my man’s friends and he’d Love my girls and we’d all be one big happy cool family lol but now I think that’s extremely unrealistic and unnecessary. I’ll settle for cordial haha

      Reply

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