Too Adorable Not to Share

We’ve all heard tales of the divine yet candid wisdom of children. A child’s mind knows enough about the world to have an opinion on it and remains pure enough that we can assume the absolute best of their intentions. So naturally, I laughed aloud when I stumbled on Chris Hughes’ “How Do You Decide Who to Marry”, from the mouths of babes. But it simultaneously provoked thought and held insight. Their truth is contagious. So without further adieu, enjoy!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

by Chris Hughes 

A group of young kids were asked how to decide who to marry and here are the results which are pretty amusing.

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
– Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
– Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
– Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
– Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.
– Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– Curt, age 7

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
– Theodore, age 8

(2) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
– Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
– Ricky, age 10

“Does She Deserve A Ring?”

Who Is Passport Cutty?

Have you guys heard of the hoe coach? There’s a black woman going by that moniker who’s made quite a name for herself. She rules the twitterverse as @passport_cutty, hosts a radio show called The Naked Truth, and holds a series of pole parties in cities across the US that bring women together. She’s the epitome of the new black woman. And she’s not playing her hand like the black women of yesterday because she’s got a new set of rules. Though she’s highly controversial, there are many modern black women who think, feel, and play the game like she does. No, I don’t agree with everything she says but I do think she’s worth listening to. And for a woman with her world view, I think she has a lot of common sense. It’s my job to keep up with everything remotely related to black relationships so I follow her leisurely. If nothing else, her and her followers are quite entertaining. She wrote a particular piece on her blog though that I found especially insightful and thought provoking. Maybe you will enjoy it as much as I did.

Does She Deserve A Ring?

@Al_Patron asked a very GOOD question in a blog that we did together and it had me thinking so hard about a response. Especially because I hear it ALL the time and have even SAID it myself.

 

He asked “…can someone tell me what “she DESERVES a ring” means?”

 

Check out her radio show “The Naked Truth” online Tuesdays from 8pm-10pm

Now, I’m not going to tell you what it MEANS cuz dammit, I’m just figuring this out myself, but I’m going to provoke some thoughts for you…

 

Now maybe my point of view seems biased a lot of the time because I forget that there are people who read my work that aren’t plagued with the bullshit men and relationships that I know of all too well. So some people read my words and think “o_O where the hell does she get this stuff from?” But then I get a whole bunch of Rts and say “Whew, they feel me.” lol

SO, in almost every circumstance that I’ve heard “she deserves a ring” it was from someone referring to the amount of “torture”, disappointment”, “drama”, and just a whole bunch of “bullshit” that a woman had endured in the relationship with her man. And sometimes it was even the man himself saying “she deserves a ring”… My first thoughts are “yea, she deserves a ring” but “from HIM?”… Hell NO. Why would you “DESERVE” a ring from someone who was a BASTARD? I mean really! She “deserves” a ring because she tolerated him cheating numerous times? She “deserves” a ring because she took care of their children full time while he slacked? She “deserves” a ring because she still stayed with him after he had another child with someone else? She “deserves” a ring because he gave her an STD a time or two or five? She “deserves” a ring because of all the abortions or miscarriages she had from him? She “deserves” a ring because they’ve been together for “no reason” for forever already? She “deserves” a ring because she held him down while he was in and out of jail? She “deserves” a ring because she risked her freedom for him numerous times? She “deserves” a ring because she had to fight with so many other girls over him? She “deserves” a ring because she put her education and career to the side to support his? She “deserves” a ring because she forgave him all the times he hit her? She “deserves” a ring because she put up with all his baby mama drama? She “deserves” a ring because she wasted her “youth” dealing with his bullshit so now her “prime” is over and she feels like she has no choice but to stay with him now? So THIS is why she “DESERVES” a ring?

 

I could have SWORN that “deserve” means “to have earned right”…Oh yea it does, I just looked it up again cuz I was confused. So THIS is what you want the “rights” to? This is what you’re in competition to “win”??? Oh! And the crazy part about this is, I hear this “she deserves a ring” ALLLLL the time from people who’ve been involved in these exact scenarios. I don’t make this shit up. So if this is what you feel you DESERVE for the rest of your life, then shit, maybe your ass does. I don’t think anyone “deserves” a ring for all of those reasons. Females always seem so bent on “winning” that they don’t even realize what the actual “prize” is. Cuz I damn sure don’t want to “win” a man like that. Have I had men like that? Yes. But I KNEW not to marry them. And men always seem to pull the “ring” as a wild card right when she’s about to “leave.” Anything to shut her ass up and extent his ride or die bitch until next “Foreverary.” I’ve heard so many men say “She’s put up with so much of my shit. This is who I need to be with”… Uhm yea… she’s perfect for HIM but is he perfect for HER? Don’t Worry, I’ll Wait

 

But its really not these type of women that I feel deserve a ring at all… They deserve intervention and rehab. I’m going to tell you who I think really deserves the ring.

Passport Cutty gives her perspective on the rules to being a side chick with Hot 97

 

I think the females who invest in themselves in order to have something to offer a man who’s worth marrying “deserve” a ring. Not the women waiting around for a husband as a come up. The females who could care less about a pre-nup because she’s going to make sure they BOTH make money during their marriage “deserve” a ring. The females who make a statement by immediately removing herself from a disrespectful situation. She knows her worth and is not going to waste her time convincing herself that this is acceptable at all. The females who don’t think and act like she is entitled to anyone else’s benefits “deserves” a ring. The females who understand that NO one is obligated to her “deserves” a ring. Females who are appreciative and grateful “deserve” a ring. Females who acknowledge that if they can’t help with a solution then they may be part of the problem “deserve” a ring. The females who moderately stand by their partner yet who never give up on themselves “deserve” a ring. The females who prepare for the fact that all of this could go “poof” in the blink of eye but they have back up plans just in case it ever happens, “deserve” a ring. Even the females who don’t like to cook and don’t want to cook but knows that eating out every night is just unreasonable, “deserve” a ring. The females who understand their role in a man’s life and won’t try to play every position “deserve” a ring. The females who CAN and will carry a man if he falls and won’t hold it against him later or kick him while he’s down “deserve” a ring. And last but not least, the female who is genuinely optimistic about love and marriage as a team with no ulterior motives, hidden agendas, or dependency as an underlying theme, “deserve” a ring.

 

Make sure you read the Hoely Bible

Now of COURSE, there’s more to being a “wife” than all of these things. But in my opinion these are some of the most “important” the qualities of a woman who “DESERVES” a ring, beyond being able to cook, clean, wash clothes, take care of kids, and have disgustingly pleasurable sex. These are characteristics of women who have worked on themselves mentally, emotionally and financially enough to be able to “deserve” someone worth spending the rest of her life with. I personally feel that you can’t expect someone else to invest more in you than you are WILLING to invest in yourself. And half of the things that I mentions are FREE… Its about character and intention not only money.

So as for me… until I’m able to carry my family on my own if ever need be, I’m going to stay “single with a boyfriend” and kid less. 

Well said Cutty! Do you think it’s time we reevaluate our idea of deserving the ring both as men and women?

**All italicized texts gets credited to Aalex B. author of The Naked Truth blog and has simply been copy and pasted here for the enjoyment of my audience and readers.

“I’d Rather Be Played By A Bad Guy”

In the ongoing battle between thugs and nerds, it seems thugs win round 1. But who wins the overall fight?

Always on the dating discussion roundtable is a question near and dear to my heart. Why do good girls like bad guys/thugs/playas? Whatever the wording, the question asks why women with good heads on their shoulders choose men that’d rather toy with womens’ hearts than give anything that even somewhat resembles real commitment. Admittedly enough, I started this blog because I’d made a few poor dating choices myself. Mr. Lies-About-Everything-But-His-Name, Mr. Too-Cheap-To-Pay-Attention, and Mr. Please-Lock-Him-Under-The-Jail, just to name a few.  I meet a lot of different men–good men–that complain they were raised to treat women with care and respect but most of us going around here singing “I love my Mr. Wrong” like a hero anthem. And as I mentioned before, I’m not exempt. And from what I’ve seen over the years from sister friends and not so friendly sisters, many of you ladies aren’t either. Women settle for and settle down with men that aren’t any good leaving the Mr. Rights bitter, rejected, or friendzoned. And then we complain there aren’t any good men left. But why though? Mind boggling, right fellas? Well, like always, I have a theory! Check out the real reason why she passed you over for that smooth-talking athlete or the street-witted thug on a guest piece I wrote for The Sexy Single Mommy blog: I’d Rather Be Played By A Bad Guy.

“Life Lessons Learned from Pussies”

Hey Loves. I am featured on another relationship blog this month! A friend of mine is the editor of the Sexy Single Mommy, a sassy relationship blog with an in-your-face flair for the real. And you know how the saying goes, “real recognize real”. So, I’ve just been kind of a passerby fan for a while. But I finally decided to try my hand and submitted a piece. Hopefully, this will be the beginning of a successful guest contribution relationship. 🙂 Check out the piece here: Life Lessons Learned from Pussies. Until next time my Loves!

Saw This in Essence. Had to Share: Sex Talk

A lady asks Essence columnist about her boyfriend’s erectile dysfunction and it was such a clever solution, I had to share. Enjoy ladies (and gentlemen), just in case you were having the same problem–and even if you weren’t!

Is There Really a Black Marriage Decline?

SingleBlackMale.org post asks the question Is There Really a Black Marriage Decline?. The writer does his own research and finds that the real issue may simply be that black men and women are choosing to get married much later than we used to. Why do you think that is? Thoughts?

“Women, Can You Submit to Your Man?”

For your perusal pleasure, a conversation in the life of Ms. Not-Right-Now and Mr. Right-For Now:

Me: I get that you get it, now what are you going to do about it?

Mr. Right-For-Now: That’s for me to know and for you to find out.

Me: What? No.

Mr. Right-For-Now: You need to learn to relax and let me be your man.

Me: *blinks rapidly in silence*

Me 10 minutes later: Wow

Mr. Right-For-Now: Yeah

Me: Um okay then

As women–and dare I say especially as black women–griping about what bothers us and what’s not right in our relationships comes second nature to us. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Both my man and I have grown and benefited from my ability to see our flaws and my eagerness to always work towards a solution. But sometimes, a man just wants to hear “yes” or “okay” or the very rare “you are right”. Because, get ready for this, he is perfectly capable of handling business without your help. I know, I know, that comes as a shock to some of you. Ladies, catch your breath. But I’ll explain. In many ways slavery threw off the power balance in black american heterosexual relationships. It stripped the black woman of her womanhood and castrated the black man. As a result, you often see loud, aggressive women and a lack of male leadership in our community. We coddle our sons, our brothers, our husbands and then give our sisters the cold shoulder and the boot. As a result, men stopped stepping up and leading their families. Fast forward to 2012 and the black woman, not the black man, hails as the newest face of power and success. Therefore it is my belief that when a woman actually finds a man that wants to be A MAN and more specifically HER MAN, it is her job to sit back, shut up, and watch him work. Maybe that is traditional and old school. But you know what? Old school works. Relationships last longer when everyone plays his or her part. And a woman’s role is submission. Does that mean submit to everybody? No. But it does mean find a man worth submitting to. And then do it. Don’t believe me? Check out what this brother had to say in the piece Women, can you submit to your man?

What “Good Guys” Need to Know About Women & Sex

My fancy was quite tickled when I came across this bit of truth in the article “Yes Being A Good Guy Means You Have to Wait for Sex” that one of my male readers turned me on to. The article details the escapades of a woman who has sex quickly with guys she’s not interested in to get rid of them–playing on the idea that a man will get bored with a woman he sleeps with too early–for her own benefit. The thought that jerks who put in no effort for sex will often get to sleep with the same woman that made him wait, frustrated my friend. He followed with an excellent point arguing that in response, men will just stop being good guys. And interestingly enough, I could not debunk the jerk, yes! nice guy, no! mating behavior as myth. I, too, had done precisely what this woman had done understanding clearly that when you give up the buns guys don’t call you back. But what the guys didn’t realize is that I didn’t want to be called back. So because we were on the same page, we could sleep together and move on. When a man comes along though–that I could actually have something with–suddenly I was on “lockdown”. So maybe just maybe, if she’s not sleeping with you, you should take it as a compliment! Because that woman wants to give you the best of what she has to offer–not just sex. All my good fellas can check out the article here and weigh in. Do you think this system rewards jerks over good guys? Or do you not mind putting in more work because the end reward will be greater than more notches on your belt?

“20 Hot Dates Under $20”

In the real world–and by real world I mean life post-college NOT the TV show–dating can hit a suitor’s pockets pretty quickly. When movie tickets range anywhere from $11-$17, your date better not even breathe the word popcorn. And while I in no way encourage women to “go dutch”, I don’t believe a slack wallet should completely prevent a good connection with a good person. But I also don’t believe lack of funds justifies dating laziness. So the broke dater has to get a tad more creative, yes? I present to you “20 Hot Dates Under $20” broken up by couple type. Sporty? Go bowling. Foodie? Farmer’s Market. Some of the dates might seem a little dry to you. That’s okay. You don’t have to like them all. Just find a few you’re willing to try out. And if you don’t like those, I have a few of my own that me and Mr. Right-For-Now have sort of accidentally indulged in.

(1) The Window Grocery Shopping Date

How do you window grocery shop? You go grocery shopping, only you don’t buy anything. You talk about the food you would’ve bought had you actually been grocery shopping. It’s a very good date for learning what he or she likes. From favorite cereal to favorite hot sauce brand, it’s important to know your grocery shopping compatibility before it’s too late. Although I warn you, this date isn’t for the hungry.

(2) The Library Study Date

One of my favorite (and cheapest!) recent dates with my honey bunny was going to the library to study together. Got a real estate exam? Theology classes? Papers to grade? The dim lighting, quiet atmosphere, and closeness of the study corrals, truly brought us together as well as any restaurant would–only we didn’t have to pay for anything AND we both got our work done. Now that’s a date no one feels guilty about keeping.

(3) The Classic Park Stroll

Walking and talking hand in hand never goes out of style. It works for the young couple and the aged couple, the new couple and the veteran couple, the active couple and the lounging couple. You exercise without realizing it, you set the atmosphere for excellent conversation, and you spend time with nature. This is an all around A+ date. You can up the ante to jogging or take it down a notch and set up camp with a blanket and a deck of cards.

(4) Car Shows

Ladies, want to impress that cutie in the next door cubicle? Take him to a car show. I’ve yet to pay more than $10 for a car show. I’ve even gone to free ones. But you get a lot of horsepower for your buck. And the guys go ape shit! Tis true what they say about boys and their toys.

(5) Faux Mattress Shopping

If you go to a customer service based mattress store, they’ll take the two of you on a sleep journey. In fact, the good mattress stores work kind of like a dating service. And as you hop from bed to bed finding out what you like and don’t like, feel no shame. You don’t have to take any of them home to meet Mom.  Have fun hunting for the bed you both agree on (you’d be surprised how hard that is)! At the end, simply explain to the clerks that you didn’t find one to suit both of your needs. Although it’s more work for the clerk (so this isn’t a good idea if the store is crowded), a woman never forgets the first guy that got her in bed.

“31 Ways To Know You’re In The Right Relationship”

Whether it’s a couple walking down the street hand in hand or a story of 25-year-old marriage triumph, I always like to see relationship positivity. And that’s mostly what blogger Karen Civil accomplishes in the post “31 Ways To Know You’re In The Right Relationship“. She writes the post out of frustration with the negative and dismal relationship pieces that we’re all a bit too familiar with. Though I agreed with my sister-blogger’s motives, I had a problem  with the fact that the first 15 ways on her list all have to do with things you don’t do if you’re in the right relationship. Take a look for yourself:

Don’t get me wrong, I get the point she tries to make with all of these. These aren’t healthy behaviors to have in your relationship. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to define a “right” relationship by what it’s not or what doesn’t go on inside of it. It implies that if these things do happen then you’re not in the “right” relationship. I disagree with that wholeheartedly. I, for one, have done several of the things on this “you don’t” list. I have feared, I have hid things, I have snooped, I have thought I was superior, I have stewed, I have lost myself at times…If I keep going there simply won’t be any amount of correct punctuation to list all the things I’ve done and avoid a run-on sentence. But I’ve learned from each and every one of those relationship mishaps and became a better partner because of it! Just because I snooped through Mr. Right-For-Now’s phone before, doesn’t make him and I any less “right”. It just means that in that moment, I succumbed to my distrustful emotions. Even a healthy person puffs on one of life’s cigarettes every once in a while. We are human and we make mistakes in our relationships.

At the end of the day, I know it’s right because of what we are, not because of what we aren’t. What do you guys think?