Me: I get that you get it, now what are you going to do about it?
Mr. Right-For-Now: That’s for me to know and for you to find out.
Me: What? No.
Mr. Right-For-Now: You need to learn to relax and let me be your man.
Me: *blinks rapidly in silence*
Me 10 minutes later: Wow
Mr. Right-For-Now: Yeah
Me: Um okay then
As women–and dare I say especially as black women–griping about what bothers us and what’s not right in our relationships comes second nature to us. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Both my man and I have grown and benefited from my ability to see our flaws and my eagerness to always work towards a solution. But sometimes, a man just wants to hear “yes” or “okay” or the very rare “you are right”. Because, get ready for this, he is perfectly capable of handling business without your help. I know, I know, that comes as a shock to some of you. Ladies, catch your breath. But I’ll explain. In many ways slavery threw off the power balance in black american heterosexual relationships. It stripped the black woman of her womanhood and castrated the black man. As a result, you often see loud, aggressive women and a lack of male leadership in our community. We coddle our sons, our brothers, our husbands and then give our sisters the cold shoulder and the boot. As a result, men stopped stepping up and leading their families. Fast forward to 2012 and the black woman, not the black man, hails as the newest face of power and success. Therefore it is my belief that when a woman actually finds a man that wants to be A MAN and more specifically HER MAN, it is her job to sit back, shut up, and watch him work. Maybe that is traditional and old school. But you know what? Old school works. Relationships last longer when everyone plays his or her part. And a woman’s role is submission. Does that mean submit to everybody? No. But it does mean find a man worth submitting to. And then do it. Don’t believe me? Check out what this brother had to say in the piece Women, can you submit to your man?