I’m tired of what I’ve been reading. Articles like An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage make my blood boil. So I decided to solve the damn problem myself.
Oftentimes, when a certain group of scientists, psychologists, or curious individuals do a statistical study and analysis, the results get misinterpreted and hyperbolized by the public and the media. A group of journalists, usually unfamiliar with scientific jargon and procedures, translate and make conclusions not backed by the data. Or they make it vague and “objective” so that you’ll draw the conclusion yourself. Love and marriage are NOT numbers games as the plethora of articles about the something-or-other-percent-of-the-day of unmarried Black women would suggest. Yes, there are plenty of uneducated brothers and an abundance of sisters with degrees. Yes, there is a disturbing and alarming amount of black men in jail. Yes, it’s more than likely that there are more unmarried women in our community than in others. But does any of this mean anything for you and your potential to get married as a Black woman? No. Does this data mean anything for you and your desirability as a Black woman? NO! This empirical evidence supports the idea that as Black Americans, we still have a long way to go. The data portrays the many ways that this country continuously fails our community and how we fail ourselves. But there is no evidence that says as Black women we are less probable to get married. Why? Because marriage isn’t a random occurrence left to chance.
Let’s all stop pretending Love, sex, and babies are accidents. You don’t just so happen to fall in Love with a guy just like you don’t just so happen to sleep with a guy and get pregnant. You made choices and decisions to land you there. You spent a lot of time with him. You went out on dates. And you forgot to put on the rubber. That’s life. African-American men and women who aren’t married made choices and decisions that lead them there. It works just like getting promoted at work, doing well in school, or getting into great shape for a competition. I heard someone say once, “the two most important decisions we ever make in our lives are the two decisions we least prepare for. And that is the decision to get married and the decision to have children.” This shouldn’t frighten you, this should excite you! That means that Love and marriage can be right around the corner for us if we start making informed and intentional decisions to Love and be Loved. Have you ever heard of someone falling into shape? No. They GET into shape. Just like you can GET into Love and marriage. Our REAL problem is that black women aren’t prepared for marriage and relationships. Black men aren’t prepared for marriage and relationships. And our lack of preparation is killing the Black family.
What can you do to get ready?