With the exception of that one guy who says black women should give up dating black men all together, when black men dish out dating wisdom–whether it’s Steve Harvey or Flavor Flav–I listen. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No one knows black men better than other black men. And a wise woman studies her prey. If you want to find (and keep) a good black man, you have to listen to some of the things good black men say–even some of what the bad ones say, so you know what to avoid. Sometimes that means digging through testosterone-driven buffoonery and deep-rooted sexism to find anything meaningful. But there are also those moments when a man’s mind is simply brilliant. Is Your Coochie in High Demand? is one of those moments. From the creator of the hilariously real peek-into-a black-man’s-mind blog Black Girls Are Easy, Is Your Coochie in High Demand? urges black women to get temporary boyfriends. Start calling those men you would never take seriously back–because the women in “high demand” are the ones with boyfriends. Take a look at this man’s answer to a question I’ve asked myself for years.
“‘Why do guys want me when I have someone, but when I’m single no one hollas? Simple. When you were single you were walking around with an attitude, posting dumb a** love quotes on Facebook, and mean mugging every guy in the club because you thought you were above that scene. Once you find a man you begin to radiate with confidence and every man around you becomes drawn to that fire. When a woman is in a relationship her entire swagger changes, she’s glowing, her hair stays done, a** looks phatter, and she’s no longer using Carmex, she’s Mac’d up and those lips are popping!'”
While I’m not the biggest fan of casual sex, I am that dedicated football mom who cusses out the referee when it comes to casual dating. I go hard for it. In fact, I might have haphazardly invented it. What is casual dating? Casual dating is dating simply because you’re a woman and some man somewhere wants to take you somewhere with little to no (closer to no) cost to you. Every woman has a guy (or a girl) in her back pocket. That’s the beauty of having two X-chromosomes. And back pocket people have their uses. There were many a hungry broke night in college where one more bowl of oodles ‘n noodles would’ve left me barely conscious and passed out on the floor from a sodium overdose. On those nights, I simply reached into my back pocket and pulled out a date. I was hungry and I was bored. So why not? You don’t have to sleep with back pocket people. They usually don’t want anything more than you’re time. So why not give it to them? At least until someone more worth your time comes along. Think about how life works. Do people usually come right out of college and jump straight into their dream careers? No. They start out with some job they know they can get, make a little money, and look for another job in between ringing up double cheeseburgers. All cars come with an extra tire in the back. We even have a Vice President in case the first one gets shot. The universe thrives on Plan B’s.
Casual dating isn’t for everyone. But if you’re willing to try it, it works. As a teenaged girl, I remember accumulating up to 7 boyfriends at one time–all temporaries. I wasn’t having sex with any of them. I was just having fun. But when a serious contender came along, I dropped them all. The key is having fun with it without being manipulative. I encourage grown women to do it better than I did. Even be honest about it. They don’t have to be “boyfriends” they can just be men you’re dating. Consider them temps and develop a roster of them. Choose men that you’re still attracted to, interested in getting to know, but for one reason or another you know it won’t work out long-term. And hopefully they won’t be looking for anything long-term either. Some of us don’t mind sitting pretty while waiting for Mr. Right. Others of us have a damned good time by our lonesome. You don’t need a man to enjoy single life. But if you’ve got the single girl blues, maybe you should reach in your back pocket for a pick me up.