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The Misadventures of Ms. “Living Single”

 

The cast of 1990s sitcom, Living Single

 

Even though Beyoncé’s Kanye-West-acclaimed best video of all time makes it look glamorous, living the single lady life is not always something to dance around in a leotard about. For those of us deemed courtship-challenged, trials arise even more often than usual in attempts to rid us of our single status. And the process can get downright discouraging to say the least. But wait, what’s that I hear in the distance? Could it be? Help is on the way?

THE WHITE HALL SINGLE LADIES CLUB, INC. to the rescue (say this 12 times fast)! Dun-dunna-nuh!

Every once in a while I come across a good idea that’s not mine. And when I do, I have to share it. Co-workers in White Hall, a residence hall at Temple University, came together to start a rather atypical secret society. What started out as a joke among colleagues turned into a remedy for the seemingly never-ending party of one.

Before the WHSLC, Inc., the 5 girls shared your average co-worker bond. They spoke only when necessary.  But an office “bromance” amongst the male colleagues made the women jealous enough to want to get along. So what could 5 near strangers possibly bond over? Relationships, of course! It all began with Candice*, a woman brave enough to ask her fellow employees about a relationship she’d been considering rekindling. And it just ricocheted from there. One by one they confided in each other, spreading the weight of their dating loads across one another’s backs. Take Courtney*, for example. Courtney had been seeing a guy on campus. But while at a Temple gathering, Courtney and the present Single Club members ran into Courtney’s man friend linked up with someone else. After calling a meeting to discuss it, the WHSLC, Inc. unanimously decided Courtney should date other people and leave “Mr. Swag-a-Lot” (aka Mr. Playa Playa, for my 30 & over readers) behind. Naturally Courtney walked away hurt and disappointed. But the WHSLC, Inc. was there to buffer any negative feelings she had.

“We were there for [Courtney] to talk. I asked her if she was ready to leave even though I had really wanted to stay at the party,” professes Asia*, another member. “Sometimes we stayed up with each other ‘til 2, 3 in the morning on the phone.”

They shop together, go out to eat together, and play cards together–setting up opportunity after opportunity to talk about anything dating related.Who wouldn’t want an all-you-can-bitch pass? And after innumerable mass texts, phone calls, and late nights spent learning the words to “Bottom’s Up” (their unofficial theme song), they are all pretty comfortable taking one another’s advice. It sounds like they have no problem dishing out or accepting the sometimes unattractive truth. Imagine something like Sex and the City meets Dr. Phil.

“It’s good advice,” dishes Asia, “I had to leave the guy I really liked alone when the group pointed out some of his [not-so-nice] ways. Everybody said give it up!”

It takes a lot of trust to give up on a guy you really like just because a group of people you barely know told you to. They trust one another so much in fact, they decided against the 30 pending incoming members.

“So many other people wanted to join,” comments Asia “we were going to interview them and everything. But we had to tell them no and they were mad. We wanted to make sure we’d still be comfortable talking as a group.”

And it comes to no surprise that 30 others stood in line to get a piece of the action. As I sit among them, all I can do is smile. The positive energy radiating from the women in their element bounces around the room like a newborn baby at a family reunion. They are not bitter. They are not angry. They are not competitive. They want to “graduate” out of the club, but not at the expense of their integrity or sanity. I am impressed—very impressed. On a college campus where the female to male ratio makes a threesome seem like the closest thing any of us will ever get to true Love, I hardly expected to find 5 women barely acquainted getting together to encourage healthy relationships. The story about 5 BFFs all sleeping with the same guy unknowingly seems more believable (apparently, it happens to the best of them). Fortunately, I’ve witnessed how the White Hall Single Ladies Club, Inc. acts first as a sisterhood–meeting Mr. Right is just a side effect.

For those of you out there who rather not prance around in 4-inch heels and leotards heralding the praises of playing lone ranger, I urge you to try this. A singles-only club could be a fun and effective alternative that kills two birds of loneliness with one stone. Although we should all feel comfortable in our own skin enough to weather the lonely nights, it’s okay to come to a point where you don’t want to be by yourself anymore. And what better way to keep you motivated to go after that relationship than with like-minded, positive people who want the same thing!

*Names changed to protect their super secret identities!

** Presently, 2 members of the White Hall Single Ladies Club, Inc. have actually “graduated”, 3 are dating, and 1 is looking. But Candice assures me even alumni remain “active” members of the group.

***For those of you who remember better days (aka the 90s), I have included the opening to Living Single and how it changed over the seasons to spark your nostalgia. Plus, the theme song (rapped by Queen Latifah) gives a positive message about sisterhood.

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About The Black Soliloquist

Summer Rain. Whispers me to sleep and wakes me up again. Sometimes I swear I hear it call my name. You wash away the pain. My summer rain.

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